Raising Jefferson from the Dead

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Have you seen the video of Adam Kokesh, host of Adam vs. the Man on RT being arrested for dancing at the Jefferson Memorial yet?

The following is what we wish had happened

"Get down," shouted the officer.  "No dancing allowed!" he repeated.  Some of the criminals continued to kiss and dance, contrary to orders.

Officer Steroids grimaced.  It's going to be another tough day of quelling these terrorists he thought as he radioed in for backup with one hand while he held a dancer down by the throat.

As he strained to strangle the man, Officer Steroids noticed that something had changed.  Something dramatic.

The room began to empty.  This time not because of the force used, legally, by the honorable police  force but something that was so other worldly that the room went silent.  They just began to run.

For a second Officer Steroids lost his concentration on his arrest and the dance criminal absconded but this was about to be the least of his worries.

A shadow had risen up inside of the Thomas Jefferson Memorial.  A shadow so big it couldn't be explained by physics.

He hesitated to turn because he knew it must be something terrible.  Perhaps a giant Osama bin Laden? 

His heart raced.  He closed his eyes.  Was this it?

Tap.

He was being tapped on the shoulder by something with such weight and size that it couldn't be human. 

But, what?

Officer Steroids said a prayer and then began to turn to face his fate.

"What is this?" said the confused, animated statue of Thomas Jefferson.

"Oh-bama! My god!" Steroids cried, "It's alive!"

"Where am I?" questioned the animated statue of Jefferson.

"Are... are you really Thomas Jefferson?" Steroids asked in shock.

"Yes, I am.  What is going on?  I have just awoken from a terrible dream!" said the forty foot statue, "Where am I?"

"Sir," said Steroids, stuttering with disbelief, "You are in your own memorial hall.  This was built for you to honor your memory and all you did for this country."

"Oh my!  What a miracle!" roared the statue, "Tell me more!  I am thirsty to hear how my ideas have worked out!  I sacrificed much of my life to create this one true land of freedom!  All must be living in such a splendid, peaceful prosperity! Tell me something, anything!"

"Ok, sure," said Steroids, becoming somewhat accustomed to speaking to the re-animated statue. 

"Well, I just cleared this hall.  There were some trouble makers who had gathered."

"Oh, Brits were they?  Trying to retake the Union?" questioned Jefferson.

"No sir.  Well, they might have been British but I am not sure, we didn't really talk to them.  They were here dancing so we just took them down.  Most are in jail now.  All's clear, sir."

"For dancing?" asked Jefferson, his stone eyebrow raising.

"Yes sir.  This isn't a free speech zone," responded Steroids.

 "Free speech zone?  Where are we?"

"Washington, DC, sir" barked Steroids, proudly.

"I am confused," queried Jefferson, "why would you have arrested anyone for dancing?"

"Well, you see sir, ever since 9/11 we've had to be extra vigilant.  The Patriot Act and all.  Anyone  could be the enemy or terrorist now, sir."

"Why would anyone be an enemy of the United States of America?  Someone objects to our philosophy of peace, commerce, and honest friendship with all nations, entangling alliances with none?" asked Jefferson.

"Oh no, sir, they hate us for our freedom.  We've got lots of enemies.  It used to be the communists.  But, now we are communist.  Now it is the muslims!  That's why we are at war in Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya and conducting drone raids and operations in Yemen, Pakistan, Sudan and have concentration camps and secret prison in Eastern Europe and Cuba."

The statue of Thomas Jefferson went still.

"Sir?" asked Officer Steroids. "Mr. Jefferson?"

The great statute stood stoic and stunned.  "Congress approved all of these wars?"

"Not as far as I know sir.  But I don't think so.  The President just, sort of, decides.  The last President used to call himself, "The Decider", in fact!"

"And now who is the President?"

"His name is Barack Obama.  You'll be happy to hear he won the Nobel Peace Prize!" gloated Steroids.

"My head," cried Jefferson.  "Do you have any of that relaxing weed... I need to calm down and ponder upon what I have discovered."

"I can't sir.  That's illegal," stated Steroids.

"What is?" questioned Jefferson.

"Marijuana.  Most other plants as well.. mushrooms, coca plant.  They're all illegal," Steroids admonished.

"Why in the world would plants be illegal?" shouted Jefferson, his voice booming against the circular ceiling.

"Hey, it's not that bad," said Steroids, "I can probably get some.  I enjoy weed too... everyone does.  But it's just illegal.  I can actually get it from a recent bust if you'd like some."

"Why don't you just buy some?" asked Jefferson.

"I can't really afford it on my salary," said Steroids, sheepishly.

"You can't afford to buy a plant?" asked Jefferson.

"Well, my wage is not bad sir," said the policeman, "but after tax, there isn't a whole lot left."

"Tax?" bellowed Jefferson.

"Yes.  Income tax... capital gains tax.  Dividend tax.  Interest tax.  Sales tax.  Property tax.  Gas tax.... all of them.  By the end I barely have enough to feed my family.  But I do have enough to buy a little weed for you, sir" said Steroids.

"Well, give me what you have.  Let's get some marijuana and ponder about what has happened here.  I don't just want to grab my musket and rush to remove this government without giving it a few minutes thought.  Give me some coins of gold or silver," said Jefferson.

Steroids handed a $20 bill into the giant stone hand of Jefferson.

"I can't afford gold or silver sir, that's all I've got," said Steroids.

Jefferson squinted at the tiny paper document.

"Federal Reserve Note? What does this mean?" asked Jefferson.

"Oh no, that's US dollars sir.  Real money," said Steroids.

"My god, fool!" shouted Jefferson, "Does no one remember what I said about central banks?  Banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies?  Waking up homeless? Ring a bell?  My god, man, it is written here right on the plaque below my legs!"

Jefferson had shouted with such force that Steroids was frozen in fear, sensing his anger.  Steroids cowered to his knees.

"Lead me to the President at once!" shouted Jefferson, "We need to rectify all that has gone wrong!  I will remove him even if I have to kill him to restore the nation."

"Sir, with all due respect, you are starting to sound like a terrorist.  And besides, I'm sorry, he's not here."

"Well, where is he then?" bellowed Jefferson.

"He's in England, having tea with the Queen and trying to reassure our sole, staunch allies in Britain that our 'special relationship' remains in tact."

Steroids sensed something had happened but he could not imagine what.

The statue of Jefferson had again stopped moving.  There was not a sound to be heard anywhere near the capital.  The world had stopped.

Steroids looked up to the great statue and squeaked, "Sir?"

A few more moments passed before a great chaos was unleashed.  The statue of Jefferson let off such a painful cry that it shattered the dome in the Memorial.  The statue then charged towards the Washington Monument, ripped it from it's base and stabbed itself through the belly, falling backwards with the great obelisk impregnated through its midsection into the reflecting pool.

Much of the world, now watching on CNN, went silent.  After many minutes, finally a voice was heard.

"Back away, there's nothing to see here," said Steroids, cordoning off the area with yellow tape.

Yes, nothing to see here.

Join Adam for "Dance Party at TJ's" this weekend if you are in the Washington DC area!