With Jeff Bezos no longer running Amazon, sources are reporting that he’s looking forward to spending some of his free time destroying small businesses like he always did. This time will be different, however, since he’ll be bulldozing them in person.
“This has always been my passion,” said Bezos with a jolly smile, “but I’ve never really been able to get my hands in the dirt, feel the air on my face, and hear the lamentations of the peasants while I’m doing it! I feel truly blessed.”
Bezos then pushed a massive lever on his new bulldozer and plowed through a little building called Anna’s Coffee & Book Shop.
“WOW! Invigorating!” said Bezos as he watched the glass, rubble, and dirt shower down around him.
Sources say Bezos is planning to spend his sunset years finding new and innovative ways to seek out and destroy small businesses after draining the uniqueness and value from each of them.
“It’s ok– I’m doing this for their own good,” said Bezos. “Resistance is futile.”
A great satirical piece from TheBabylonBee.com…but not a joke.
Jeff Bezos has quit his position as CEO of Amazon! And, in extraordinary synergy, Bill Gates has also announced his retirement from Microsoft!
Watch today’s Lucy and Jeff Show to find out what these two bro’s are up to next –– brought to you straight from the home of Anarchovid 2021 –– taking place virtually from February 12 – 14.
I emphasize VIRTUALLY so as not to offend the sensibilities of one Andreas M. Antonopoulos. Maybe you know him? Apparently, he provides high quality, entertaining and unbiased cryptocurrency and blockchain education. He is also deadly afraid of Covid, but not scared at all of publicly calling out/blocking anyone who dares to hold an in-person event.
HOW DARE YOU!
Rest assured Mr. Antonopoulos. Anarchapulco will also be available online for people who can’t physically get to Mexico, or for people like you who don’t like to get off your warrior couch. I strongly advise you to pay the $150 that will get you a front row seat in the safety of your own living room. You might become a whole new better you!
Hey, almost like a personal great reset…
In other news today there are some more everyday run-of-the-mill maskerade and vax insanity, with a scoop of police tyranny to top it off.
The Romans always wanted bread and circuses-food and entertainment! As we destroy their city, I will offer them both. Behold, a sample!” Something dropped from the ceiling and landed at Percy’s feet: a loaf of sandwich bread in a white plastic wrapper with red and yellow dots. Percy picked it up. “Wonder bread?” “Magnificent, isn’t it?” Ephialtes’ eyes danced with crazy excitement.
–– Rick Riordan