DEAL OR NO DEAL! The Greatest Geopolitical Gameshow In The World
[THEME MUSIC. APPLAUSE. EXPLOSIONS. PATRIOTIC EAGLE FLIES ACROSS SCREEN]
HOST:
Welcome, America, to IT’S A DEAL! The only gameshow where the prizes are peace, prosperity and increasingly expensive gasoline! Tonight's contestants are America, Iran, the oil market and reality itself. And remember, folks, the rules are simple: President Trump announces a deal, the other side denies there is a deal, Washington announces tremendous progress, Tehran says it hasn't agreed to anything, and then…
[DRUM ROLL]
…we announce another deal!
AUDIENCE:
WOOOOOO!
HOST:
That's right! Because if there's one thing we've learned during this war that was never supposed to become a war, it's that there is always…
AUDIENCE:
ANOTHER DEAL!
ROUND ONE: DEAL OR NO DEAL?
HOST:
Our first contestant is the American public. Your question is simple: Is there a peace deal with Iran?
A) Yes.
B) No.
C) There is a deal, but Iran doesn't know about it.
D) There is tremendous progress toward a deal that may eventually become a deal if everyone agrees to the deal.
Lock in your answer!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
And the correct answer is…
D!
Well done, America!
You win absolutely nothing.
But don't worry. There'll be another deal shortly.
ROUND TWO: WHY IS OIL SO EXPENSIVE?
HOST:
And now we come to our exciting economic round!
Oil has crossed the psychologically important $100-a-barrel threshold again as markets wrestle with the conflict and disruption surrounding the Strait of Hormuz.
So, contestant, why is gasoline getting more expensive?
A) Because supply is being disrupted.
B) Because shipping is being disrupted.
C) Because the world's most important oil chokepoint is having a rather bad time.
D) IT'S GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY!
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
That's right!
D!
Think about it.
You used to spend $50 filling your tank. Now you spend $80 or $100. That's an extra $30 or $50 you don't spend at the restaurant, the clothing store, on vacation or perhaps on your mortgage.
Economic growth!
We call it trickle-up economics. Money goes directly from your wallet to the energy sector.
Everybody wins! Well, maybe not everybody.
Which brings us to tonight's…
GRAND PRIZE!
A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME HORMUZ TANKER CRUISE!
HOST:
Congratulations, contestant!
You've won an exclusive, all-expenses-paid cruise through the Strait of Hormuz! With world-class entertainment, and the soothing sound of maritime insurance premiums exploding!
HOST:
But wait! We have one more consolation prize. For the contestant who really wants to participate in America's exciting new geopolitical adventure…
Introducing the PETE HEGSETH “SEND ME” EXPERIENCE™!
That's right! You too can experience the thrill of volunteering for America's next great military adventure! Just raise your hand, look heroic and shout: SEND ME!
Your prize includes a camouflage cap, a commemorative photograph beside a very large American flag and absolutely no guarantee that anyone has actually negotiated a deal with the other side.
Travel insurance not included. Destination subject to change. “Send me” does not constitute an exit strategy.
[HOST LEANS INTO CAMERA]
If anyone asks how much all of this is costing…
Just remember the magic words:
IT'S A DEAL!
Because America is still the greatest economy in the whole damn world.
[APPLAUSE. FIREWORKS. PATRIOTIC MUSIC]
Tune in next week for IT'S A DEAL! Season Two: The Great Gasoline Bailout.
Every contestant gets a free tank of gas.
Financed over 50 years.
Watch on:
Vigilante.tv | Odysee | Rumble | Bitchute | Brighteon | Telegram | X/Twitter | Instagram | YouTube
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the TDV podcast: Amazon Music | RSS | More
