First, let me say that today’s walk n’ talk has some real jaw-dropping stuff… And I do not use the term lightly… Mostly related to our favorite Dr. Evil – the poster child for Faucism…the man himself… Anthony “It’s-Complicated” Fraudci!
So you might like to go straight to video.
Or, you can, for just a second, imagine the Zombie Apocalypse of 2030.
Now in normal, run-of-the-mill doomsday times, zombies enjoy a little flesh. The bloodier and messier the better. (Don’t make a mistake of confusing zombies with cannibals – who tend to be meat-and-marrow connoisseurs, carefully selecting the choice bits and enjoying it with a side dish of fava beans and a nice Chianti)
Sidenote from Lucy: She enjoys her liver on tacos with a tequila chaser.
Keep in mind that, according to the CDC website, “in movies, shows, and literature, zombies are often depicted as being created by an infectious virus, which is passed on via bites and contact with bodily fluids.”
“Harvard psychiatrist Steven Schlozman wrote a (fictional) medical paper on the zombies presented in Night of the Living Dead and refers to the condition as Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome caused by an infectious agent. The (CDC’s) Zombie Survival Guide identifies the cause of zombies as a virus called solanum.”
Dr. Schlozman is echoed by Steven W. Booth, Author of The Sheriff Penny Miller series of Zombie Novels (The Hungry 1 to 6):
“As I have discussed extensively, there are four kinds of zombies: Virus zombies, necromantic zombies, space zombies, and brain-eating parody zombies.
The typical virus zombie can only be killed by destroying its brain with a shot or a chainsaw or a big knife or something, or by destroying its body to the point where it is no longer dangerous or infectious, such as burning.
Parody zombies follow the logic of virus zombies, but they wander around yelling “brains!” As I have stated before, these kinds of zombies are intended to make fun of the zombie genre, and are not taken seriously by hardcore zombie enthusiasts. Besides, have you ever tried to get to someone’s brain with just your teeth and fingers as weapons? Skulls are hard for a reason. Brains are hard to get too, generally, and the zombies would starve if that was their main food (they’re starving anyway, but that’s another issue).
So why do they eat flesh? I postulated in my zombie novels that the mechanism for animating the zombies is that their mitochondria are switched on and are operating anoxically–without oxygen that the circulating blood would provide. The zombies are literally consuming themselves for energy. Their brains register this as insatiable hunger. And for whatever reason–probably because the virus has a vested interest in propagating to other hosts–human flesh is their preferred meal.”
“Zombies are awful. Stay away from zombies.”
Wonder if zombies in 2030 will eat bugs and be happy about it?
Wonder too if I’m the only one who finds it disturbing that the first thing that pops up in Google when you search “Zombie Apocalypse” is the CDC website…
Here are our Top 6 Lessons for Surviving a Zombie Attack:
- Organize before they rise!
- They feel no fear, why should you?
- Blades don’t need reloading.
- No place is safe, only safer.
- The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.
- Hodl on for dear life, because shit will get worse before it gets better.
PS: Zombies are afraid of fire, so you will definitely want some fireworks with you. Incendiary grenades, smoke grenades and thermites all sound like a great idea. They will produce lots of bang and fizzle, allowing you to escape.